Greed...and it cost me, you

Was tellin Lin about your passin few days back..
and her sudden exclamation got me thinkin...
she wasn't totally wrong.. nor did she sound like she's kiddin...

She said.. I'm getting really close to God..

I was wishin to God.....
I told God I'd trade anything for you..
He answered my prayer a year later...
He sent me his special angel to me, you..
It didn't matter how bad the world had turned.. or how bad the society got..
Everything was shining bright... I was shining bright...
I was the owner of the world.. because I had you..
Nothing else mattered...
Just to see a text from you.. hear your silly laughs..
hear you talking-shop non-stop... treating me as if I'm one of your colleagues who would understand each and every medical Jargon you'd use...
I still remember my very first 'lesson' to you...


"Oh, here you are, woman !" you exclaimed the day u were late for lunch...
I scolded and taught you the proper way to acknowledge a female gender...
"Lady... lady..." I could still see you jumping off that broken sofa...putting back the newspaper you were readin while you were waitin for me... and 'practising' what I was teaching you..
You were THAT adorable sometimes...
and that made me love you even more...

I was like living in heaven for a year...
then... Satan sent his 'soldier'..
and because of the sin of greed..
Satan's soldier won the war..... and I lost my angel... I let you slip away..


I sounded stern on the messages..
Actual fact, I wanted so much to see you that day...
but Satan's soldier was beside me... and I couldn't tell you...
You left ... with anger..
I just wished.. you didn't bring it away with you....


Shao, I don't expect you to forgive me..
Doesn't make sense if you would...
But If you can hear me out please....
I loved you.. so much so... I thought I was doing what was best for you...
You couldn't decide for yourself... so I decided for you..
I couldn't bear to be an option...
Only to know later, that I was not an option.. I was what you had at the top of the checklist..

My heart tore when I hear your angry tone...
I wanted to tell you I loved you so.. but I couldn't...
I cried myself to sleep everynight...
like what I'm doing now again...


I love you, shao...
I may not have told you before....
I love you. I truly do.

You once told me "Love is blind"
Wasn't for my case... I knew I loved you the day I feel for you..
Till date... I still am very aware.. that I very much, still do love you..